Am i bonkers?

Hi!

I wasn't going to rant about this here, in fact I reopened this blog to escape these subjects, but fuck it. I'm gonna rant away because seriously this is ridiculous!

Am i the only one that wonders about people from their past? Do you consider it something wrong or a sign of "not moving on"? By wonder I don't mean thinking of people that is gone every day of you life, obviously, but does it ever happened to you to have this thought of "I wonder how ___ is doing" after not talking to that person for like half a year or something like that.. 

I get these thoughts, I don't think it's necessarily wrong, I think regardless on how the last contact with that person was, if you ever cared for such person then it's logical to wonder this. I don't think it's a sign of "oh shit i haven't moved on with my life!" I think it's just simply not holding a grudge or I dunno genuine care, not having harm feelings, how mad feelings wear off with time. Am i bonkers? Is this so unusual? I don't know really, for me, again, it's pretty normal. 

It can happen with a friend, it can happen with a super old boyfriend. It doesn't matter, it's just hey years went by, all the angryness wore off, as did the love but wishing someone is ok or whatever.. what harm can that do? 

Most of the times I get these "wondery" feelings, I say nothing, I just wonder to myself cuz I dunno, sometimes i think it's the less complicated thing to do.  Today though, I ran across an old conversation i had with someone for whom i cared deeply (back in 2009 or so), the last time i spoke with this person was about half a year ago and he was in pretty bad shape. He shut me off so that was the end of our contact, I tried to help as much as i could but he refused the help so there was no place for me to be. Needless to say that doesn't stop me from wishing he does well in life and things get better for him. So I thought to myself, it's been like half a year, I'm wondering how this person is doing and who knows? maybe just getting a message saying "i wish things got better for you"  maybe if things are better then it wont matter or maybe if he is having a bad day it would help to know someone still cares.. I dunno, that's literally what went through my head so i went ahead and sent this. The answer: "Move on with your life, delete me." OMG. 

Am i just crazy or what the hell is going on? How is it that people don't get that just wanting someone to be doing alright doesn't mean your hung up on that person or whatever? . How can words of encouragement be missread so much.. It makes me mad. If i was down and got a message like that i would choose to answer or not but regardless of that, it would be encouraging to get it, it would mean that when i'm feeling alone in the world, someone shows me i'm not, someone cares. That's all i wanted to get across. What i got? A childish response with an assumption of something that couldn't be farther from the truth. 

I don't know, this is the way i've always been and I don't think i should change it but maybe next time remind myself that no matter how much you wanna give someone a word of encouragement, when it's not asked for, it's better to keep it to yourself. 

People can be so ungrateful sometimes.. If i'm your friend for years on, if you meant something for me in the past, i develop this sense of "unconditional".. which means I'm grateful for whatever the experience taught me, I'm grateful that that person run into my life because I think it added to my own life experience.. Therefore regardless of if we stay in touch or not, regardless on anything.. If you ever need a hand or a shoulder to cry on, I'll never refuse and I'll always have your back. You gotta do something really truly awful for me to override this. That's how i am. I barely never open up to people, if I ever do, it's because i consider you're worth it and the sense of "caring" i'll have towards you goes beyond any fight or lack of contact. I thought this was normal in people, i thought this was the average and something everybody does. Apparently I'm just weird and crazy for being this way. 

Oh well.. 

At least i try to make someone's day better. Even if they don't get it. 2 txts wasted.